About Me

follow me on twitter @Shhh_Melissa

I am a 30 year old wife and mother. I am currently working on my graduate degree in Psychology (with a BS in Finance). I’ve been wearing my “mommy hat” for 6 years now and have yet to have a career outside of the home. I always knew I was different than most people I meet. I thought I was just being an emotional woman, with artistic flairs and a near constant melancholy mood. And maybe for a while, that’s all it was. I was always taken with obsessive thoughts of how much talent I had, would get wrapped up in projects for days/months, always felt spiritually connected, and could feel the emotions other people emitted so deeply that I could practically see them in the air. It never disturbed my life, and I continued achieving normal milestones in a young woman’s life without any major hiccups along the way. A combination of events occurred that I believe caused my mild anxiety and depression to turn into a serious mental illness that threatened to literally kill me. And, in April of 2012 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.

I’ve always lived in and with depression. But in the fall/winter of 2010, I had my worst, when during pregnancy I considered stabbing myself in the uterus and then throwing myself out of my 2nd story bedroom window. A few months later, after the baby was born, I was always having fantasies about driving off a bridge with my kids in the car. And we’ve got a lot of bridges around here. I pulled through without hurting anyone, including myself, and summed it up to some bad PPD. I was seeing my therapist, but wasn’t being honest about my feelings and thoughts. I was embarrassed.

A year later, winter/spring of 2011 I had my worst manic episode to date. I went from being a soccer mom to having an affair with my boss and co-worker, having my first sexual experience with a woman, a phone call away from becoming a stripper, hating running to running 10-12 miles a week, hating my body to buying a bikini and then mowing the lawn in it, and never spending a penny on myself to buying myself a couple new outfits every week (granted, they were from the thrift store – I’m forever thrifty. Manic or not.).

Clearly, something was wrong. And I knew it. But I had an extremely hard time acting against it because it felt so good, and so right. It was the best I’d ever felt, and for someone who was pretty much chronically depressed their whole life, it’s not something you want to admit is wrong. But my love for my husband (yes, he blogs about our experience as well) and my family prevailed. You can read about how here.

Thanks for reading. Any questions/comments/concerns can be emailed to bravingbipolar@gmail.com

21 thoughts on “About Me

  1. So nice to meet you. You and your children are absolutely beautiful. I look forward to learning more about you! Keep fighting the good fight hon… πŸ˜‰

  2. thanks for the follow… I hope that you can find some useful information over my way, if not then a laugh or something to think about. Just take it one day at a time. or if you have to 1 minute at a time. There is a great bunch of really supportive people here and I think that is really cool that you and your husband are doing this.. You are being very brave… go you! If you ever need answers or you just need an ear of someone that knows.. there is a contact form on my blog.. do not hesitate and I will do what I can to help – mostly just be there.. this is a lonely and tough illness – you are not alone and you too it seems are tough. Peace πŸ™‚

  3. it really sounds like you have been through a lot and for that i’m so sorry, i look forward to following your story and trying to catch up on it a little bit, thank you so much for visiting my site.

  4. This is so frank and I am drawn to your tagline “learning to live and love myself with bipolar” – as someone recently diagnosed I am struggling with the latter. Thank you for sharing

    • πŸ™‚ I have good times and bad times as far as loving myself goes. It is definitely my biggest hurdle. Recognizing symptoms, taking my Meds, asking for help, no problem compared to loving myself despite how much I have let myself and others down.

  5. Pingback: Belated Blog Awards Ceremony | Sunny With a Chance Of Armageddon

  6. Wow, what a story. I’m so sorry to hear of all of the suffering you and your family have gone through.
    I wish you all the best in your recovery and wish the best for your family too. X

  7. i just started reading your blog, don’t know if you will get this. My mom is 53 years old and has been living with bipolar all her life. Raped from age 6-10 years old. And recently we did an MRI and found that her memory is shrinking significantly. We did a memory test on her, and she failed it. I’m really glad i came across your blog. Its helping me heal through this difficult time. I hope you are doing well. And keep on smiling.

    • I’m sorry about your mother Frances. I stumbled on my first bipolar blog 4 years ago when my dad died – he was an undiagnosed bp. Reading her blog helped me to understand him, I supposed like I’m helping you.

      Thank you – that means very much to me, to know that voicing my struggles can help a stranger!

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