*Disclaimer* Sorry, as I am writing, I realize Im using some inappropriate language that some may find offensive. But if you like to curse, read the fuck on!
October 1st marked the beginning of me no longer working nights. I had been working nights for 11 months, and had been (I believe) consequently suffering from some of the worst mood swings, depression, anxiety, and mania I had ever experienced.
I think there were some life changes that took place in October that alongside my current medicinal cocktail proved to help me become more stable.
Well, mainly just 2. A set bed time of 10pm (alright, so I had a few nights that I stayed up late), and a new attitude.
I’ve wanted a new attitude for a long time, but lacked the tools and medication to come by one. I know its vulgar, and probably rude, but it’s important for me and my mind. Are you ready for it?? My new mantra??
I don’t give a fuck what you think. I’ll only do what I want, and when I want to do it. I just don’t give a fuck.
Yes folks, you too can have a new attitude – all by creating a cheeky new motto.
Naturally, its not a blanket statement:
>I do give a fuck about my family, my husband, my life, etc etc. What I don’t give a fuck about anymore is how clean my house is, getting called out by a boss because my shirt isn’t pressed enough, or my mother calling and passive aggressively attacking me. And other stupid shit like that.
>Clearly, I have responsibilities: poppy diapers need to promptly be changed, laundry and dishes need to be done so we are at least clothed and fed, I have to be at scheduled appointments, etc.
So, my new way of thinking is really another way of determining what’s important in my life. Taking away all this energy Im allowing these trivial people and things to be draining from me, and putting that energy back into myself.
I kinda feel like Donald Trump, sticking my finger out – “Your’e fired.”
To my old life – you’re fired
To my old obsessions – you’re fired
To letting my mom hurt me – you’re fired.
To the part of me that doesn’t think I deserve to be forgived – you’re fired.
To those ignorant fucks at work who call me slow and try to intimidate me – you’re fired.
So October has been my first normal month. Im skeptical. But it looks nice on paper.