After having an abnormal pap smear a few weeks ago, the doc suggested a colposcopy. This is when the doc inserts a speculum, smears vinegar on your cervix to make the abnormal cells change color, looks in you with a microscope, and then plucks them out for the pathologist to determine if:
God just kicked you in the headyou have cancer Instead, God just punched you in the headyou have HPV
- it’s just an infection
I’m hoping for an infection. Or nothing. Remember my first post? https://bravingbipolar.wordpress.com/2012/05/01/betterthancancer/
Wouldn’t that be a bitch??
I hate “procedures”. Needles, anything like that. My sweet husband of course wanted to come with me this morning. He took the morning off from work so he could. But then my babysitter decided to be a no call/no show/no text. So he had to stay home with the kids while I cried the whole way to the doc office. I was a mess when I arrived; puffy eyes, swollen lips, etc. It was scary, but not very painful. I have a high tolerance for pain anyways, but I didn’t find it any more uncomfortable than a pap. It just sounded painful.
I was certain my day was doomed after all that. But so far, so good. And my husband is grilling steaks tonight, so it should only get better.
I was calculating it up today, and we spend over $300/month in babysitting, copays, and medication. And that’s of course WITH insurance. Ridiculous!
A few more side notes:
My sex drive changed a bit…we’ve had sex twice in 2 days, which is magnificent for us. Shoot, I think that’s great for ANYONE. And I’m genuinely enjoying it. It’s feeling different. But of course, this small part of me is on alert, thinking “Oh God, are you gearing up for another episode?”.
Which kinda leads to my next comment. I am my biggest critic. Even my husband doesn’t think or speak as ill of me as I do. I had been working on that before, and had gotten to the point where I could finally admit that I work hard and am a good mother. And I meant it. But now I’ve actually done some bad stuff. It was hard enough to be nice to myself when I hadn’t done anything wrong. Yay.
My side effects to the lithium has changed a little. I now have that weird metallic saliva. Ewwwww. And my tremors are much worse. Big shakes, only in my hands though.
I see both my therapist and my psychiatrist tomorrow, so I’ll mention them both to them.